Independence, Dependence & Interdependence

 

At this time of year, I usually find myself thinking about independence and what it means to me. My recent reflection brought three different aspects of the word to my mind and how each has played – and continues to play – a role in my life.

 

The three words are Dependence, Independence, and Interdependence. What does each word mean? How do they relate to me, especially with regard to being a food addict?

 

Dictionary.com defines the words as:

 

  • Dependence is defined as “the state of relying on or needing someone or something for aid, support, or the like; an object of reliance or trust.”

 

  • Independence is defined as “freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others.”

 

  • Interdependence is defined as “the quality or condition of being mutually reliant on each other.”

 

Each of these concepts has played a role in my life as a food addict.   

 

First, when actively eating addictive foods, I was dependent or relying on particular “somethings” for aid and support. Specific foods, especially sugar and volume, became my Number One Go To! When depressed and in need of support, I turned to food. When sad or lonely, the food was there. When happy and in celebration mode, I turned to food. When afraid, I relied on and trusted that food would make it better. I would go to any lengths to get what I needed to feel better. It satisfied me in ways no one or nothing else ever did. I was dependent upon certain foods and volume to feel any sense of normal. My brain is wired such that certain addictive foods and excess volume worked! It was all I needed.   

 

During my dieting years, I became quite independent and free from the control, influence, support, and aid of others. I didn’t need anything or anyone beyond my own self. My willpower would triumph over any perceived problem with food. I had periods of great success where my sense of independence, self confidence, and self control grew and grew. The possibility that I was powerless over certain foods was presented a few times but was easily replaced with another bout of self will and self reliance. I don’t need anyone’s help. I have within myself what it takes to win this time. Just put your nose to the ground and stop eating. You can do this, Mary!  You’ve got this! Unfortunately, periods of “controlled eating” grew shorter and shorter.

 

I remember the pain and despair while dependent on sugar and volume. I remember the pain and despair during years of independence and the freedom of doing it my way.   

If dependence doesn’t work and independence only goes so far, might there be another option? 

 

What I discovered through years of trying and failing is the vital necessity of interdependence; the quality or condition of being mutually reliant on each other. 

 

First, I had to be convinced that dependence didn’t work and attempts at being independent resulted in isolation, fear, hopelessness, and relapse. Through professional support for food addiction and being an active member of a Twelve Step program for food, I have been shown how to become interdependent. Others show me how to live with reliance on a Higher Power. I learn how to weigh and measure food to deal with volume addiction. People show me how to pack food for travel. Sponsors model recovery and putting abstinence and recovery first in their lives. I adopted SHiFT’s process of surrender that removes “self” from food decisions. I found someone who “holds” my food plan so that no changes to the plan are made without their (and my sponsor’s) approval. I have weekly sessions with professionals to deal with emotional trauma from the past and situations that arise as I walk through life. 

 

There is no perfection on this journey. Even though the food is down today, life is still life, and emotional balance sometimes eludes me. I vacillate between being dependent on others for emotional security to being independent and taking care of business all by myself to waking up to the need for an interdependent relationship with others and with God. 

 

I am grateful to be in a network of support where we are mutually reliant on each other. Others are there for me. I am there for others. There is nothing like it. 

 

Thanks for listening.

 

Mary

July Jewels

What are “July Jewels”?

 

July Jewels are each and every one of us. That’s right – You’re a gem!

 

Why is that?

 

Let’s use the analogy of a Diamond.

 

Diamonds are formed under pressure, and under intense heat. This is not an easy formation. Not only that, but it can take over 1 Billion years (Yes, with a B) for them to form naturally in these conditions.

 

Now how does this relate to recovery? 

 

You are the diamond, in fact we all are.

 

Recovery is not easy, it is extremely trying and will test the best of us, but it is our recovery that forms us into the shining diamonds that we are, and enables us to live a life we didn’t believe was possible.

Now recovery may not take 1 Billion years like the formation of a diamond does, however it is a lifelong process of working at it every day and adding tools/knowledge along the way. We get to experience the richness in life and persevere all because of our recovery. How great is that? When things feel rough or challenging, we need to remind ourselves of the beautiful life in recovery that we have worked so hard to craft.

 

This month is all about celebrating the incredible life that is enabled by recovery, and highlighting what our recovery allows us to do!

 

What does your recovery enable you to do?

Whether it’s being able to focus more on your family, spending more time being active outdoors, cooking healthy meals… we want to know!

Let us know at: Contact@foodaddiction.com for a chance to be featured on our social platforms!

Weighing & Measuring Food

Many food addicts who had resisted mightily the idea of weighing and measuring report later that, after they tried it for a while, they found a great relief. Rather than experiencing it as harshly restrictive, they say that they actually feel much freer when they weigh and measure. It helps relieve the obsession with food before, during and after a meal. Compulsive eaters who have weighed and measured know for certain that they have eaten exactly what they committed.

There are variations of weighing and measuring. Some weigh and measure all their food; some will weigh and measure only their protein, starch and dressing. Others will weigh and measure at home but not at restaurants or social events. Some will measure their vegetables and starches in a cup; others will weigh them. Some will weigh and measure for the first 30 days, 90 days or a year, then do it only when they feel anxious, notice they are getting sloppy or just want the practice of surrender. There are some with long time, stable abstinence and recovery who have simply integrated surrender to weighing and measuring into their food plan one day at a time for life. For those who are addicted to volume, the use of a cup, scale and measuring spoons is not a form of dieting but rather a physical aid to portion control.

As with bottom lines, the decision about weighing and measuring comes down to individual choice – usually in collaboration with a sponsor – based upon past experience and upon what works and what does not work when it is tried. What is important – as with other parts of a food plan – is to first make a decision then do the spiritual work of staying surrendered to that commitment.

While every food addict does not need to weigh and measure their food, there are some very compelling reasons for doing so:

  1. Weighing and measuring simplifies portion control. There is no question of how much of each food to eat.
  2. For the food addict who is weighing and measuring, it is always clear exactly what surrender means.
  3. If the amount of food in your plan has the amount of calories to be your ideal weight, you will eventually reach it and maintain this weight.
  4. For those who sometimes – or always – have a distorted concept of food volume, weighing and measuring is like wearing glasses with the corrected prescription.
  5. Weighing and measuring is a gentler and a much less expensive alternative to intestinal bypass surgery.
  6. For volume addicts – who almost always want more food – weighing and measuring assures that you are getting enough to eat.
  7. Weighing and measuring eliminates the need for all the head talk about “how much is enough today?”
  8. Being committed to weighing and measuring assures that you know there is one important way you are remembering that you are a food addict.
  9. No one gets hurt– including the food addict – by a practice of weighing and measuring.
  10. When a food addict weighs and measures in public, there is always the chance another food addict will be helped by seeing and talking about this practice.

© Phil Werdell 2010

Men’s Mental Health Month

 

“Men are supposed to be tough!”

 

Our society has this perception that men need to be tough and that seeking help for mental health issues is seen as weakness. This is a major issue, and this notion could not be further from the truth. In this week’s blog, we aim to shed some light on some unfortunate statistics that showcase the negative impact of this perception while also pointing towards some resources to help those in need get the help they deserve, and should be seeking out without fear of ridicule.

 

When we talk about the health of an individual, we aren’t solely talking about the absence of illness, but a state of mental, physical, and social well-being. Mental health is such a vital component of overall wellness, but is often overlooked as a negligible determinant of our overall health picture. More than 42 million Americans experience a mental illness each year, and we are focusing on one group in particular this month. June is Men’s Health Month, and we are exploring the critical mental health needs of men, as part of their overall health and wellness.

 

The following statistics help us to understand the complex needs surrounding men and their mental health:

 

Nearly 1 in 10 men experience depression and anxiety. That’s 162 Million men just in the USA alone!

According to a poll of 21,000 American men by researchers at the National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS), nearly one in ten men reported experiencing some form of depression or anxiety, but less than half sought treatment.

 

Men die by suicide 3.5x more often than women. Men experience a higher rate of suicide than women specifically because they do not seek out the help they need. Depression, when left untreated, can in some cases reach a crisis point of suicidal thoughts/contemplation. With so few men reaching out for help or support, and instead suffering in silence, this is a major contributing factor in why men face a higher suicide rate. You should never have to suffer in silence over the fear of perception if you talk to someone.

 

Forty-nine percent of men feel more depressed than they admit to the people in their life. A Today Show commissioned survey of more than 1,000 men revealed the truth that many assume. Men are much less likely to voice struggles with mental illness, and even thoughts of suicide.

 

Making the decision to start a conversation with a friend or loved one about mental health is not an easy thing to do, and takes tremendous courage and strength. The Canadian Men’s Health Foundation has produced a great video on the subject of approaching these tough conversations – Click here to watch it

 

It’s likely that someone you know is experiencing feelings of depression or anxiety, and you have the power to make a difference in their lives. Take action for Men’s Health Month by looking out for those that you love. Check in with the men in your life, and make sure they are doing okay. The more awareness we bring to this subject, the more the perception will shift, and more men’s lives will potentially be saved as a result. If you are a man reading this, if you need help, this is an opportunity to not only get the help you need, but also to set an example for other men out there. The importance of de-stigmatizing men’s mental health cannot be stressed enough, and the responsibility lies with every one of us.

 

For more information on this subject, or resources if you need help, please visit:

https://menshealthfoundation.ca/

https://www.faceitfoundation.org/

SHiFT Spotlight: Peter’s Story

 

This week on our blog, we are doing something different. This week we are starting a new series called “SHiFT Spotlight”. SHiFT Spotlight is a way of celebrating the stories of our community members who have persevered through hardship, stuck to their program and have seen incredibly positive changes in their lives as a result. The goal is to use these stories to inspire everyone to be the best version of themselves, and show that no matter how bad things may seem at times, there is always hope.

This week on our SHiFT Spotlight, we feature Peter Meerwarth. Peter’s struggles with food are all too familiar for many of us food addicts. His story is a compelling one, and one that many of us can relate to different portions of.

 

Hi everyone, I’m Peter; a compulsive overeater.

 

I was a fairly unhappy heavy child growing up on the farm. I was beaten and abused regularly and I turned to food for comfort. I was always dieting and exercising to curb the extra 30-50 pounds of overweight. I started college at 220 pounds and was convinced that being free from home would be the answer to my weight problems, but I graduated at 270 pounds. I got a job and thought that surely being out on my own would be the answer to my overeating, right? I could overhear my new coworkers talking about my weight on the very first day. I tried every diet on the market. I read every diet book. I spent thousands of dollars on gyms, pre-made foods, shakes, pills and diet meetings.

 

Soon, I got married and we had two wonderful sons. Certainly, getting married and buying a house would be the answer to my overweight. My weight soon escalated to 325. I became the music director at a church. In that first year, I gained 100 pounds. At age 35, I was 425 pounds and unable to get off the yo-yo diet cycle. Every Sunday I stood up in front of the congregation to direct the choir. I was mortified. I decided to try bariatric surgery to no avail. I was soon back to my pre-surgery weight. I was embarrassed and felt like a complete public failure. 

 

I turned 40… certainly, this would be the decade that the weight would come off. We moved to another state and I found OA. I cried through my first few meetings because I knew I had found “my people.” My overeating wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t a moral failing like I had always been told. I was accepted. I immediately had success with my physical recovery and followed a food plan that was flour and sugar free. Weighing and measuring my food and working a spiritual program was also part of the plan but I figured that I could lie about those parts since I was having physical success. I kept relapsing.

 

At age 50 I knew for certain that this had to be the decade for the weight to come off – Ha! I had been in and out of OA for 10 years… more out than in. I thought that I knew all of the right words and actions but I just couldn’t apply them to my life. Something must be broken in me. In that time span, I had a second unsuccessful bariatric surgery, I broke my ankle, and then arthritis settled in my knees which made it hard to walk and I developed blood clots in my legs. I bought more of the diet foods I saw on TV. I was still 425 pounds and taking medications for depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, and blood sugar (which was alarmingly high). 

 

I decided that I was tired of the diet and OA roller coaster. I gave up. From age 50-55 I was in total relapse. I didn’t even try to diet and I didn’t go to any OA meetings. I just ate what I wanted.  I remember eating an entire 2-layer cake with my bare hand while driving. I was committing suicide on the installment plan with each compulsive bite. I couldn’t face my constant failure any longer. I was obsessed with thinking about food and where I would binge next. My life insurance company dropped me when they saw the list of medications I was on. I accepted the writing on the wall that I would simply die a fat man. Why fight it? Diets failed me. My church failed me.  My God failed me. I failed myself. Covid hit and was a great reason for me to isolate and eat all the more. I chose to eat myself into the grave.

 

Then, this past January, at my lowest point, my wife motivated me to try the program once more. She wanted me to know my grandkids and live a long full life together. I cried thinking about not knowing my future grandkids.  My food addiction became life or death for me. I called SHiFT and on January 15, I got sober on their Food Freedom program. I no longer wanted to allow this food-demon to have control over me. It was so much more than a food plan for me, it was a new way of life that I now had a new willingness to follow. I was completely powerless but not hopeless.

 

When the plan said “no flour/no sugar,” I cut it out. When the plan said, “weigh and measure your food,” and even though I had heard about it before, this was the first time I actually had the willingness to do it. The plan said, “no caffeine…” OH BOY! I had been drinking 10-12 mugs of coffee everyday for the last 25 years. I really believe that removing caffeine and weighing and measuring were key factors for me that I previously never had the willingness to do.

 

I spoke with Amanda at SHiFT and she identified me as a low-bottom late stage food addict and suggested that I enroll in a SHiFT INTENSIVE… Boy was she right! I worked with Mary and Phil at the Intensive with lots of emotional work and support around identifying my feelings. 

In SHiFT I came to feel and believe that I was completely powerless over my food addiction and that there is no shame in that. The weight started coming off. 

 

Also, in 50+ years I had never done my spiritual work. Never. It was time to start! I learned about guided meditation and gratitude apps. My knee pain miraculously disappeared and I started walking my dogs and doing chores around the house again. I had more energy than ever. I started to love making phone calls and connecting to total strangers around my program.  After spending my life feeling alone in groups of people, I felt like I was truly a part of every SHiFT or OA meeting I attended. My sponsor, who also got sober in Food Freedom, guided me to the Harlan G. BIG BOOK teachings online and avision4you.com meetings and is constantly focused on my spiritual program (which I always treated as optional).

 

The weight continued to come off. My cholesterol levels became normal. My A1C dropped from 9.2 to 5.5 and my doctor started taking me off my blood sugar medications. It’s June 1 and I’m down 102 pounds from my top weight of 425. I’m not having cravings. I’m actually enjoying the cleanest food plan I’ve ever had. I so admire the stark HONESTY found at SHiFT which has encouraged me to be completely honest around my food for the first time in my life.

 

What would I say to someone considering SHiFT?

 

Be Coachable.

I stopped believing that I knew everything about food, weight loss, and exercise and I simply did what I was told to do.

 

Be Honest.

Share it or wear it. No lying by omission. Trying to look good with my peers only leads me back to the food. Tell all.

 

Work your Spiritual Program.

I had to fire my old God and find a new Higher Power and work my daily spiritual program of walking, reading, meditation, gratitude, writing, and Big Book step work. That’s where the answers are as I recover the person that I was born to be.

 

Stay Connected.

The opposite of addiction is connection with my Higher Power. Make those phone calls and ask questions about their HP/food program. Share your experience, strength, and hope.

 

A special thank you to Peter for being willing to share his story with us all. Hopefully we can all take lessons from his advise and put it into practice in our own lives.

If you would like to have your story featured, please reach out to us at contact@foodaddiction.com

Jubilant June

 

Welcome to Jubilant June!

I know what you’re asking yourself… “What does Jubilant” mean?”

Jubilant is defined as feeling or expressing great happiness and triumph.

Now how does Jubilance relate to recovery?

 

We asked our team at SHiFT to describe what “Jubilant June” means to them in the context of recovery:

 

Mary:

When we first started talking about “Jubilant June”, I was reminded of the part in the big book on page 132 where it says: “We are not a glum lot, if newcomers could see no joy or fun in our existence, they wouldn’t want it! We absolutely insist on enjoying life.” 

When I first got abstinent for my 100th try after surviving relapse, I thought.. “life will not be worth living, if I don’t have my food I’m going to be depressed, I’m going to feel deprived.. Why even go on?”

What I found by getting abstinent and getting/staying connected with people, working with the steps, I found a life that I never believed possible. There is so much joy, so much happiness, and so much jubilance in life today! I hope you are experiencing Jubilant June with us and sharing in the joy!

 

Calen:

It’s Jubilant June. What does that mean to me?

Well for me, it means that I have found great joy in a way of living that allows me to triumph over this disease of compulsive eating one day at a time.

It gives me joy in that I can move my body in ways that it never could before, that I can do things that I could never do, I can go places, and it’s given me great new friendships. All these things are cause for great joy within me, and I am so so grateful for my recovery because, wow it has just transformed my life and given me great joy!

 

Karla:

What does Jubilant June mean to me?

What goes on for me in the context of my recovery is that I’m reminded of being very shut off from my feelings and my body, and sort of running a low grade misery that I didn’t even realize was there for most of my life. Now, coming in contact with my body and being sober, I’m able to really connect with the happiness, the joy that is involved in my recovery as well as the feeling of pride which I think goes into jubilance right? It’s happiness and triumph!

How I experience that is, I feel very open-hearted. I get to feel this quite a bit actually in recovery, I get to feel a lot of the happiness that really wasn’t part of my life before. I was shut off to it, I was miserable, I was in the food, or whatever else I was up to. It was missing from my life and I didn’t know it was, actually. In recovery, I feel proud, I feel happy and I feel connected with other people. So, for those of us that are in recovery, we might be able to reflect on the same thing!

 

We hope that you experience Jubilance this month! Check back on our social platforms for more themed content throughout the month.