The Process of Abstinence is Surrender

The initial surrender necessary for recovery from food addiction is to accept completely that you are a food addict. This means that you have a progressive disease that is physical, mental-emotional and spiritual in nature. Because it is a disease of the mind, there are times when you cannot trust your own thinking, so you need to rely on a Power beyond yourself. What does this look like specifically?

Physically

Physically, it means – A surrender of one’s specific binge foods, i.e.foods to which you are addicted. If one is addicted to volume, surrender to weighing and measuring or to some other external form of portion control.

This is most commonly done by surrendering to a food plan. A food plan defines the general content of abstinence. Food addicts need to be specific about what it means to be abstinent. What foods can you eat? What foods can you not eat? How much do you eat? How do you determine nutritional balance? It is common for food addicts who are new to recovery or are having difficulty getting abstinent to make this decision with someone who understands food addiction. If this person is not medically trained, it is also important to consult with a doctor, dietitian, or other health professional.

It also may mean to surrender to more structure and support until you are able to be food abstinent and stay abstinent. This might mean physically being in meetings, physically eating with other recovering food addicts, even staying with other abstinent food addicts 24/7. It might also mean putting oneself in a professionally-led recovery group, workshop, or in-patient treatment.

Mentally

Mentally it means – Surrendering to not making decisions about your food by yourself. Since most food addicts are not able to do this alone, it is common to make day-to-day decisions with a food sponsor. In the 12-Step fellowships, this is called committing your food to a sponsor. It also means accepting direction and support to surrender your food specifically one day a time.

In practice, the most common way of surrendering with a sponsor works like this:

  1. Write down your food before you eat it. This means you let go of or surrender spontaneity regarding food. You have to plan ahead. There is a slogan that goes with this principle, “Failing to plan is planning to fail.”
  2. Read what you wrote to your sponsor. This means you give up or surrender self-sufficiency and making decisions about your food alone. It means you give your word regarding your food. The slogan is, “Commit what you eat, and eat what you commit. Nothing more, nothing less.”
  3. Don’t change your commitment (unless there is a health emergency). This means let go of or surrender grazing or snacking between meals. It means let go of or surrender making decisions about food impulsively.
  4. Afterwards, be rigorously honest with your sponsor. This means let go of or surrender of your self-sufficiency and pride. If you are abstinent, say to your sponsor that you are. If you are not abstinent, i.e., made changes, eaten something you didn’t commit to eat, skipped a meal or forgot to eat something, be rigorously honest about how you are not abstinent and develop a surrender plan for the next day. The principle is again summarized in a fellowship slogan, “You are as sick as your secrets.”

This practice of rigorously surrendering one’s food daily with a fellow recovering addict may sometimes seem drastic, but it also seems to be what works for most of the thousands of food addicts who have found abstinence and recovery in the various food 12-Step fellowships. A common response about committing one’s food and/or weighing and measuring is as follows: “No, while I sometimes don’t want to do it, I no longer see it as a burden. It gives me a freedom regarding my food and my life that I never had before.”

Spiritually

Spiritually, it means – Surrender your food and your will to the care of a Power greater than yourself. This usually means surrendering to the practice of making conscious contact with God (as you understand God). This might be as simple as praying for help with your abstinence and life each morning, and saying” Thank You” at the end of the day. It might mean taking time each day for spiritual reading and/or silent meditation.

For someone having trouble with the God idea or with having a personal relationship, it means surrendering to work through the Twelve Steps rigorously from beginning to end (or some other effective spiritual practice).This is best done with a sponsor – or in a group. The bottom line is to have an effective spiritual awakening; a change in personality that enables us to live soberly without using food addictively.

Finally, the ultimate spiritual act for a food addict is surrendering to regularly helping another food addict. This is at once the most practical way to stay food abstinent when all other things do not work and the best way to assure there will continue to be a spiritual community to help you if and when you need it. In the end, often in spite of themselves, abstinence is a way of life for food addicts in that they surrender to being with and serving God.

There are, of course, as many ways of looking at surrendering one’s food as there are paths to God. This is just one that works for many food addicts. Thank God.

© Phil Werdell, M.A.